its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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