what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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