im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
