put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
well you can't waste a boner
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
