Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
