I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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