A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
