Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
