My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize