I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
