I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
