and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
