somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
