oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
