Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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