sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
