The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
