there's paper in my vomit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
