i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
