I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize