woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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