Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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