Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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