The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
