At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
