I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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