This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
