benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
