I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
