He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
