The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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