he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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