omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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