i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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