yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
