He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize