He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
