hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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