Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
