my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
