she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your penis caused this!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
