I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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