i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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