I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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