Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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