Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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