I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
