The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
