don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
