The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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