No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
