and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
