Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
