i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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