im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
