she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
