I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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