I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize