She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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