she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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