Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
