so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
