yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
