just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize