I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
