I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
