Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
