Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
