we're blogging at a bar
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
