Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
