So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize