she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
