He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
