I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
