You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
