the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
