Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
