you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I understand Curling. That high.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
