fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
