Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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