she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
