Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
