I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize