my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
