I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
