Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
