return my video game
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
