I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
