The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
