Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
