All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
