you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
