i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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