Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Farmville is her only friend.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
